This Thanksgiving I was unable to make it home due to my car catching on fire.

In protest I ignored all the invites of my friends to eat with them and their crazy families and worked fruitlessly in the freezing cold all day in efforts to stop the bleeding on my hooptie. Once I could no longer feel my feet or hands I went to find some food. But nothing containing turkey or yams because I was not thankful.

SURPRISINGLY there were no restaurants open. 7:30 Thanksgiving day and I could not find anywhere to fill my belly. But wait!! What’s this? As I crept down the block with cars overtaking me honking and raising their fingers in salutation I spied a glimmer of red light. CHECKERS! Yes. What better place to eat a meal in protest of this sorry day than Checkers. As I pulled to the faceless speaker board into which you speak your order I knew exactly what I wanted.

The meal that Leon Phelps made so famous, the fish sandwich. If you know anything about Checkers (and why would you not) you know that their fish sandwich is no normal sandwich. It has not one but two fish patties. Double the fun.

As I sat on my pleather couch watching a red box movie and smiling for the first time that day with a mouth full of what I hoped was codfish, I realized I was indeed thankful. I was thankful that those poor salty teenagers were forced by their slave master boss’ to work on this holiday long enough to make me a sandwich with not one but two fish patties, french fries, two apple pies and an Oreo milkshake.

And yes I put the fries in my sandwich.

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