I have a friend named Craig.

He drives a 6 speed AWD Volvo V50 wagon and wears Ray Bans while he does it. Whut.

“That’s a girls car!”

Well shut your mouth little boy because it’s not.

OK, yeah maybe lots of women and liver spotted men with prostate concerns drive them, but not in the 6-speed AWD trim. A turbo 2.5 liter inline 5 engine massaged with so many nerdy performance parts a Subaru enthusiast would be jealous, makes this wagon a bit more than a plush commuter car. In fact when you go to Volvo to test drive one of these they ask you to remove your shirt to verify you have hair on your chest. Yes Craig has a baby seat in the back, and yes he uses it to drop off his dry cleaning but do not make mention of that in his presence or you may be in danger of an 80’s style stomp out.

These boots haven’t been soaking in ivory liquid junior…

For years I have been hearing arguments about stickers. Some say they add 10 units of power per sticker, others use that as the butt of jokes.

Craig has many stickers on his car…well in his car, mostly the engine bay.

I have driven Craig’s car and I can say it is fast.

I have no proof that it is because of the stickers, but I have a feeling it is.

Either that or the force.

I didn’t take any pictures of the outside of Craigs car because it’s so fast all the pictures came out blurry.